DEAN: The lore. Hunters. Men of Letters. What a load of crap.
I'm a demon.
There's no point in trying to bring your brother back now.
SAM: This isn't even the real you I'm talking to.
DEAN: Oh, it's the real me, all right.
Welcome back, Dean.
SAM: How you doing? DEAN: I'm good.
- But I need to work. - If things go sideways...
...like an inch, you gotta give me the heads-up.
Done.
We got work to do.
What is it? Spirit? Demon? What?
This can't be possible. Dragons, dude.
- We're hunting a jinn. - A freaking genie?
DEAN: Then what are you? - I'm a pishtaco.
- A fish taco? - It's not a man-droid.
It's a Shapeshifter. Vampire pirates.
Ham-pirates. Smurfs.
SAM: Fairies. - Fairies?
Nibbles? Come on.
Bitch.
Tulpas require a ton of psychic energy.
- It's not a tulpa. - It's Calliope.
I think I know what we're dealing with here.
It's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
Now, now. I know it's a terribly sad day.
Bunny Lacroix was a good woman. A fair employer with a kind heart.
But there is work to be done. In less than 24 hours...
...the Lacroix family will descend upon this estate for the funeral and reading of the will.
And it is our duty to make sure this manor is in tip-top shape.
We owe that much to Bunny.
Colette, to the master closet.
I'd like you to select Mrs. Lacroix's wardrobe for the burial.
Olivia, please make sure all the lavatories are spotless.
- Why do I have to...? MAN: Now, now.
You're still the new hire. Colette has seniority.
Chop-chop. There's no time to waste.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[FOOTSTEPS]
[GASPS]
But you're dead.
[WHIMPERING]
[SCREAMS]
What have you done?
Here you go. Individually brewed. Technology, man.
Real men don't drink out of cups this small.
- What is that? Cinnamon roll? - It's glazed donut.
- Look, man. If you don't want it... - No. I got it.
So any leads on the scanner? Or the Inter-web?
Nothing. Not even a cat up a tree.
So right when we're ready to jump back into it, it goes radio silence?
- Murphy's Law. - Yeah, well, Murphy's a douche.
Feel like taking a detour to Connecticut?
- What? - Found it while I was dust busting.
- One of ours? - It's one of Bobby's.
And in total, 27 messages. The only one that counts is from two days ago.
Apparently, Bobby's been named a beneficiary in Bunny Lacroix's will.
- Bunny La-who'? - Attorney said she's an heiress.
And Bobby's presence, or next of kin, is being requested in New Canaan.
I figured we qualify.
How did Bobby know an heiress?
Bobby had secrets, man.
Like loving on Tori Spelling.
If he only knew Dean cheated on her.
Anyway, road trip? Who knows? Maybe Bobby earned us some beer money.
Wow.
You think we're a little underdressed? I mean, the fed threads are in the trunk.
Are you kidding me? For once, we don't have to wear suits.
You're lucky my waistbands not elastic.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING OVER DOORBELL SPEAKERS]
- May I help you? - I'm Sam Winchester. This is Dean Winchester.
- We're here on behalf of Bobby Singer. - Mr. Singer won't be coming?
No, he passed away.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Condolences for your loss too.
Thank you.
You just missed the funeral.
The family's relaxing inside, if you'd like to join.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING, THEN OLIVIA CLEARS THROAT]
Allow me to introduce Sam and Dean Winchester.
Sam and Dean Winchester of the Westchester Winchesters?
- No. No. I don't think there's any relation. - No.
- Sorry. - No matter.
You two are...
...adorable.
Oh.
I'm Heddy, Bunny's cousin. And this is my sister, Beverly.
Charmed, I'm sure.
And that's Bunny's youngest brother, Stanton-Stan for short.
Come on in, fellas. Join the mourning.
And his child bride, Amber.
- Go, Stan. - Babe. Don't.
- You're breaking my concentration... - And there's Dash.
The baby of the family. He's Bunny's great-nephew. Harvard Business.
How do you guys know Aunt Bunny?
.We.. - We didn't personally know her.
- Our surrogate dad, Bobby Singer, did. - Yeah.
Bobby? Never heard of him. But you can fill us in over the weekend, huh?
- The weekend? - Didn't the attorney tell you?
Service was today. The reading of the will tomorrow.
But you're welcome to spend the night. All the rooms sleep two.
Or three.
Okay.
- Where's Colette? - She quit.
Poor dear was so distraught over Mrs. Lacroix's passing.
Went off to find herself.
- Ashram in India? - Clown college in Sarasota.
Good choice.
May I have a word in the hall in five minutes?
- Sure. - Yeah.
So, Sam, tell me.
Do you work out?
"Charmed, I'm sure." What are these people?
- I think they're called WASPs. - What?
My apologies for being so oblique back there, but I'm doing you boys a favor.
- Okay. - As you know...
...Mrs. Lacroix bequeathed something to a Mr. Singer.
The reading of the will isn't until tomorrow. I would hate for you to stick around.
And be forced to, well, mingle with the family.
Don't worry, Alfred. We know which one the shrimp fork is.
Kind of.
Mr. Winchester, if you're implying that I don't think you're good enough...
...it's quite the contrary. You're far too good.
The Lacroix family is, well, how shall I say this politely?
Money-grubbing leeches.
I thought they were all loaded.
Loaded, yes. Rich? No.
The recession hit every one of them. I'm afraid if they knew what Bunny left you...
...those vultures would try to stake claim. Since the attorney kindly agreed to a handoff...
...you don't have to be subjected to the scrutiny.
Do you have any idea how Bunny and Bobby knew each other?
Not in the slightest.
If there's nothing else, shall I have Olivia show you out?
No. No. We got it. Thanks.
SAM: Huh.
Kind of fancy to leave a guy like Bobby.
You thinking what I'm thinking?
If Bunny was banging Bobby, then maybe these rocks are real.
DEAN: What do you mean it's not real? The old bag is rolling in it.
Well, looks like the "old bag" has got a soft spot for fake rubies and cubic zirconia.
This is interesting though.
It's a key.
A key to what?
There's one way to find out. Ask Jeeves.
- Beverly saw you sexting at dinner. - Doesn't know what she's talking about.
- I was texting my mom. - An emoticon of a peeled banana?
She likes fruit.
Just admit it.
- You're cheating. - And you're drunk.
Not to mention paranoid.
Just like Lance. He was always accusing poor Bunny of sleeping around.
Because she was. My sister was a two-bit hooker in Chanel.
How dare you? Your sister's dead.
What are you looking at?
Good riddance to you both.
MAN: Stanton? - What?
AMBER: I didn't say anything.
MAN: Stanton.
No!
[SCREAMING]
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING OVER DOORBELL SPEAKERS]
Everything okay?
Not really.
- Yeah. - Thanks.
I presume you left something behind. I'll check the front closet for burlap.
I got news for you, Mr. Belvedere. The jackets canvas.
Uh, you two were here earlier?
Yeah. Who wants to know?
Detective Howard. New Canaan P.D.
Congratulations, boys. You're now officially murder suspects.
I'm sorry. What?
Bunny Lacroix's brother, Stanton, was killed this evening. His body's gone to the morgue.
- And you think... HOWARD: I don't know.
You two and anyone else who stepped foot in this house today...
...is being detained for questioning.
Beverly, let go of me. It's so obvious she's guilty.
- You're off your rocker, old lady. - Old lady? I...
Ha, ha. I'm 39.
And you have been since '03.
How dare you?
I'm sorry to interrupt, but who's guilty?
- The town slut, Amber. She killed Stan. - And what's her motive, Murder, She Wrote?
Everyone knows that Amber was sleeping around.
She wanted to leave Stan, but her pre-nup was ironclad so she killed him.
Sounds logical.
Unless you believe that ridiculous story that she's been peddling.
- A ghost killed Stanton. Honestly. - A ghost?
She's claiming that Bunny's late husband, Lance, did it.
Have you ever heard of such a thing? What a panic.
You're nutty on those synthetic hormones.
HEDDY: How appalling. Don't they teach you manners at Harvard?
Looks like we might have a case here. Vengeful spirit?
Yeah. Think we can get to the car? Get the EMF?
Not with Detective Friendly. Not a chance. Guess we're gonna have to go old-school.
Cold spots it is. You stay here...
...keep an eye on Miss Peacock and Colonel Mustard. I'll sniff around.
HEDDY: For your information, I already own a big, beautiful yacht.
DASH: Is that what you call that thing? HEDDY: Fine. It's a mahogany sunfish.
Hey.
Gotta say, for a family that just lost two members, you all seem fine.
Well, Sam.
I'll let you in on a little family secret. We don't really like each other.
Then again, what family does?
Mine does.
For the most part. It's just my brother and me. So...
Then you're lucky.
Trust me, it's a miracle we've been under the same roof for 24 hours and haven't...
Oops.
My bad.
And, uh, why are you so sure Amber didn't do it?
Because Amber's not a killer.
She has trouble using Wi-Fi. I don't exactly think she's capable of murder.
And her story about the ghost?
I don't believe in ghosts.
That said, if anyone would come back to haunt, it's Uncle Lance.
Heard he was a real bastard. No one really mourned his death.
Except Aunt Bunny, who became a recluse after he died.
So maybe the old goat has a chip on his shoulder? Who the hell knows?
Dash.
You're up.
[FOOTSTEPS]
- Dean? - Olivia?
- Thank God. I thought you were him. - Him who?
Phillip, the butler.
He locked me in here because I wouldn't lie to the detective about what I saw.
What did you see?
- I saw him roll Colette's body in a rug. - Clown college Colette?
- The butler killed her? - No. No. He just hid her.
But who killed hen'?
I know this is gonna sound crazy, but I saw it with my own eyes.
Let me guess. Lance's ghost.
No. Bunny's.
Excuse me.
- Hey. What's up? - You see the butler?
- No. Why? - Because if anybody has answers, it's him.
Two vengeful spirits. Apparently, Aunt Bunny had a bee in her bonnet as well.
- Husband and wife tag team killer ghosts? - Well, gotta keep the marriage alive somehow.
The key is to a hidden attic.
Why would Bunny want Bobby to have a key to her attic?
It gets weirder. I found Olivia and Colette locked inside.
- Clown college Colette? - She ain't studying balloon animals. She's dead.
- What's the butler have to do with all this? - He's the one who locked them in there.
Now, I don't know why, but he's covering for the spooks. He's acting like their Renfield.
All right. We gotta find him.
- I'll take upstairs. You take here. - All right.
HOWARD: Sam Winchester?
Where did you run off to?
Well, well, well. What do we have here?
What you doing snooping around these halls?
Up to no good? Why don't we get up to no good together?
You know, they say women just get better with age.
Like a fine wine. Or cheese.
- I'm lactose intolerant. - Oh, come on, Sammy.
Don't be coy. We have got a good 10 minutes before my interrogation.
And I bet a young buck like you can do a lot in 10 minutes.
I'm right behind you.
Right behind me. Oh, God.
Could you just give me a hand with this zipper? I always have such a hard time...
Leaky faucet's down the hall.
Cut the crap, Wadsworth. What are you doing hiding dead maids in secret rooms?
I know it all looks rather peculiar, but I can explain.
DEAN: So you hid Colette's body in the attic so she wouldn't steal Bunny's thunder?
I couldn't stand the thought of overshadowing Mrs. Lacroix's funeral with another death.
She deserved a proper farewell. I owed it to her.
- Well, that's crazy. - No, Mr. Winchester.
That's loyalty.
[PHONE BUZZES]
[GRUNTS]
[LIQUID SPLASHES]
SAM [OVER PHONE]: Dean. Yeah? What? - Sam, it's no ghost. It's a Shapeshifter.
The Shifter's getting its jollies by impersonating dead people.
Yeah. First Bunny, then Lance, now Phillip.
Guess we can rule out "the butler did it."
The creep just shed. Now it could be anybody.
- Even you. - Or you. We need to find some silver.
- Ah! Oh, my God! - Hey.
He was like that when we found him.
- Who did this? - We don't know yet, okay? Now listen.
I know you think he was working with ghosts, but there's something worse going on here.
Worse than...
- What is going on? - If you want to help, help. Can you do that?
- Why do you need the silverware? - For protection.
- Butter knives? - Trust us. There's a method to our madness.
You wanna hold this?
Dean?
All right. Let's do this.
No. No. No.
- No. - Wait. Wait. Go back. He owned an island.
BEVERLY: And a harelip.
Who cares, if you're drinking mai tais in the lap of luxury?
Ahem. Hey. Hey, ladies.
- Hi. - What are you doing?
Trying to find Beverly a man.
I've resorted to fishing online because the live ones won't bite.
You mean back there? I was just playing hard to get.
Well, then.
You're a very convincing actor.
Come.
Sure. All right.
Scoot over. Yes.
So...
Boo, I'm feeling so left out.
Well, then, come on in, darling. The water's warm.
[DOOR RATTLING]
[AMBER GASPS]
- Really? - We can explain.
Let me guess. You two got bored last Christmas.
New Canaan clambake, actually.
We were in line at the buffet. They ran out of steamers. One thing lead to another...
- But we didn't kill Stanton. - We may be guilty of cheating, but not murder.
- Touch these. - What? Why?
Do it or I go cards up on your whole clambake.
- Did we pass? - Yup.
Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me.
Come on, you two.
- Did you see how long his fingers were? - Theyr're just...
I'm very fascinated. First of all, did you see? Look how long...
DEAN: Should I come back when you're done? - He's calling for me. Sorry.
And it's all going to hell. Right here. Right now.
Sorry to interrupt.
- Grey Gardens cleared. - So is Dash and Amber. They're a thing.
Yeah. WASPs.
So that's everyone.
- Except for... OLIVIA: Aah!
[GASP]
DEAN: Well, we got a floater.
Great.
DEAN: He's a goner. - Drowned in a toilet. How filthy.
What kind of monster would do such a thing?
Don't look at me. I was just trying to pee.
Okay. Hold on. Before we start pointing fingers...
Amber has motive. She killed the detective because she knew...
...it was a matter of time before he figured out she killed Stan.
Bravo, Rizzoli. You solved the case. You wanna weigh in too, Isles?
I didn't kill Stanton or the detective and I have proof.
- Guys... - My alibi is in this room.
- Wait for it. - Amber couldn't have killed. She was with me.
- We're in love. - We're sleeping together.
- I knew it. - Then you have motive too.
You offed Stan because you were diddling his wife.
The old lady doth protest too much.
You're pointing the finger to distract from your guilt. You probably got Jane to help.
Ah! Well, I never-I'm leaving.
All right. Hey. First of all, who talks like that? Second of all, no one's leaving, okay?
- Oh, get your hands off me, young man. - Okay. See, I don't trust anyone.
And leaving just makes you look guilty.
- Dean is right. We have four corpses now. - Four corpses?
- You can add Phillip and Colette to the list. - Clown college Colette?
- But I thought she... - She's dead, all right? She's dead.
We can't help you unless you stop arguing with one another. You need to trust us.
Trust you?
We don't even know you.
Look, buddy. I'm trying to be objective here. We've had countless family functions before.
And even though we wanted to kill one another, we never did.
Dash is right. Our get-togethers never end in murder.
The only thing different this time around is you.
Okay, first of all, whatever you're suggesting...
You two.
Let's go.
Don't even think about it.
I hunt pheasant.
Sit tight until the cops get here.
You don't wanna do this. We're your best shot at making it out of here alive.
We're not the bad guys, Dash.
I beg to differ.
You're wearing flannel.
Hey...
Hey.
- Keys. - No. It's locked from the outside.
SAM: Are you kidding me?
Great.
What the...?
Made in Taiwan. Fricking stainless steel.
That's why no one sizzled? They're not real silver?
First some cubic zirconium. And now this.
No wonder the rich stay rich. How are we gonna kill this thing?
- We got silver bullets in the trunk. - Assuming we ever make it out of here.
I don't get it. Why would Sam and Dean want us dead?
Isn't it obvious? They wanted our inheritance.
Whatever Aunt Bunny left them wasn't enough.
For the love of God, Dash. Put down the gun before you kill someone.
- It's okay. I hunt pheasants. - Put it down.
I knew those boys were trailer trash the moment they rolled up in that American-made.
Not to mention homosexuals.
Homosexual murderers. Like Leopold and Loeb.
Only hotter.
- Call the police at once. - Oh, I don'! think so.
Heh, heh. Excuse me, young lady? Killer or no killer, you're still on the clock.
You idiots couldn't be more wrong.
About everything.
Don't you know? If it's not the butler, it's the maid.
Dean.
You gotta see this.
We got played by the maid.
[GRUNTS]
Both doors are reinforced.
- I'm not the maid. - Well, that explains the dust.
I'm Bunny's daughter.
- What? Bunny didn't have a child. - Oh, yes, she did. A very devoted one.
I loved Mother more than anything. Which is more than I can say for any of you.
Then where have you been hiding all these years?
The attic.
Like in the movie?
Oh, Amber.
Phillip was the only one at the manor who knew.
So after she died, he took pity on me, and he let me out.
He told me to pose as the new maid so I could hide in plain sight.
That's why you killed Colette? For her job?
No. No. No. Colette was just an accident.
I wanted to scare her, because I caught her stealing.
Well, that doesn't explain wanting us dead. None of us are thieves.
Oh, no. You're worse. Your greed. Your disdain.
Your blatant disrespect for Mother. You all had it coming.
But why kill Phillip? I mean, if he was on your side...
Because he turned on me. After Stanton, he locked me back up.
Lucky for me, the cute, dumb one let me out.
- Gun safe. - Hey.
Try these.
No wonder you were locked away. You're a monster.
Oh, you have no idea.
[GUNSHOT, THEN BOTH GASP]
- What in God's name...? - Shut up.
[sum corms]
[FOOTSTEPS]
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
Stay here.
Did anyone else wet themselves?
You don't have a clear shot.
Neither do you.
Killing you is the next best thing to killing Bobby Singer.
What's your beef with Bobby?
For starters, he killed my father.
- Lance was a Shifter? - Lance wasn't my father.
Mother had an affair with a Shifter. She got pregnant.
Told Lance I was his. He bought it, until she brought me back from the hospital.
My real dad was waiting.
Lance put up a fight, but he was no match for a Shifter.
And just as my dad was about to take me...
...the hunter became the hunted.
Bobby.
After Bobby killed my father, he came after me.
Mother pleaded with him to spare me. He agreed under one condition.
That she keep you locked up.
For my safety and the safety of others.
Mother told the family she lost the baby, and she locked me in the attic.
But she remained devoted to me until the very end.
Even got Bobby to promise to take care of me if anything happened to her.
Wait a minute. Bobby spared you. You should be grateful.
For what? Keeping me locked up my whole life?
It would've been kinder to kill me.
Olivia.
You don't have to do this.
Being a monster is a choice.
That choice was made for me a long time ago.
Why haven't you taken a shot?
Oh.
You don't have any silver bullets, do you?
[GUNSHOT]
Yes, officer.
Yes, thank you very much.
Yes, no, you can't miss it. Big house on the end of the street.
All right. Bye now.
Guys.
Police are on their way.
What a mess.
- I owe you two an apology. - Don't sweat it.
I mean, you were just protecting your family. And there is nothing wrong with that.
So I spoke to Aunt Bunny's attorney.
He said, outside from the pendant, everything's left to Olivia.
You know what? Speaking of that.
You guys should keep it. It's a key to the attic.
Bobby must have really meant something to Aunt Bunny. How can we repay you?
You know what?
Just forget we were ever here.
You saved our lives. I want everyone to know heroes...
Look, pal. The fact that we pulled your bacon out of the fire is nobody's business.
Okay?
Hey. I'm serious, IZOD.
Put a pin in it.
Or we'll come back for your preppy ass.
Dean, what was that all about back there?
What are you talking about?
I mean, all those...
...extra shots after the Shifter was already dead. What was that?
- I don't know. Target practice? - Come on, man. I'm serious.
You sure it wasn't...
...I don't know, demon residue? Or something to do with the mark? Or...?
No. No. None of that.
Right.
Man, I gotta be honest...
Oh, my God, Sam. It was my first kill since I've been back.
I got a little anxious. I wanted to make sure it was done right. Plain and simple.
Why am I even explaining this to you?
[BOB SEGER'S "TRAVELIN' MAN" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
Dean, I...
I see their faces
I feel the traces they've left on my soul
Those are the memories That make me a wealthy soul
[English - US - SDH]